I didn’t want to go to the gym at all today.
I rolled out of bed and forced myself to go though. I felt miserable as it’s been a pretty emotional week for me. Good thing is I kept showing up, and I will continue to show up. I was talking to myself at one point doing push ups, and I told myself I’d had enough. Enough with this pity crap that always gets me going in a downward spiral. I’ve done a lot of self pity in my life, because I felt that was the best way for me to get attention.
“Oh, if they feel bad for me, they won’t make fun of me anymore.” Yeah, look where that has gotten me, back to the same damn place time and time again. I’m sick and tired of being this way, I’m tired of being lonely! I’m tired of not being able to ride on a ambulance! I’m tired of not going out with friends because I’m embarrassed of how I look or where I’ll sit. I’m tired of living in a fucking comfort zone! Most of all I’m tired of the bull shit that I put up with so people will be my “friend” I’m so over this self pity bullshit. I’m proud of myself for pushing through this crappy ass week. Most importantly I’m proud that in that moment I chose to SHOW UP.
I’m so thankful to have found Tyler in this process of trying to become the best version of myself. I give him a lot of crap when we workout. I don’t know how many times I’ve told him I’ve hated him, even though I apologize right after I say it. Haha He just keeps on pushing me right up to that edge and that’s exactly what I need. Thanks buddy!! Oh and thanks for being the director of my videos too!!
Here’s to living life, and pushing through the darkness, finding the light.