Yesterday was the first day in a while I didn’t post something on Facebook.
I’m going through a tough spot right now. After I made that post Monday night, the photo (Screenshot Below) of the sunset, I watched a couple embrace and share the sunset together. Then I looked beside me at a empty spot, and was overcome with this almost unbearable since of loneliness.
That carried through to my yoga practice yesterday as well. I struggled a lot. I wanted to walk away and just go home. I stayed though, for me, and because Heather wouldn’t have let that happen, haha. I was questioning myself the whole time … Why am I here, I can’t do this pose, this is stupid, just shut up Richard, ahhhh, to name a few. It was a hard practice to get through, but I did get through it and that counts.
For so long I’ve wanted a deep relationship with a woman, the kind where you just look into her eyes, and know all is going to be okay. I’ve had a few chances, but I usually mess them up, or they weren’t meant to be. I’m trying to remind myself that the universe is giving me what I need, not what I want. I try … It’s not easy. Hell maybe I’m not in the right space to have the type of love I’m looking for, maybe I will never be in that space. The old cliche goes “The grass is always greener on the other side” yeah that’s true, but at least I’d like to walk barefoot on it once. Haha
I don’t really know the point of this post, I guess it’s just to get things out and try to let go. Very confusing times in my life, I feel a bit crazy and out of control. I know this is a time of growth, but damn it needs to hurry along.
Let’s see what today’s practice brings. As long as I show up and try, Whatever happens, happens.
“Clarity and consistency are not enough: the quest for truth requires humility and effort.” – Tariq Ramadan